Cupcakes are the exception

I'm not sure what it is, but I don't like cake. It's not like I've had a bad experience or anything. My dad is a cake connoisseur so we Gregg's it up, or get cakes from nice little Italian bakeries when we have occasion to.

I just always feel gross after eating a piece of cake. Even the tiniest pieces are too big, and the most sparsely frosted cakes have too much frosting. The cake part itself is kind of spongy, less dense, sugary bread, and conceptually that just throws me. And frosting is just sugar and butter. Ew. There's a good reason cake is "a sometimes snack." I'm just not sure why someone would eat cake when they could eat ice cream.

After years of experimenting, I still haven't discovered the ideal way to eat cake. If you smear all the frosting around yourself, to get the optimal cake-to-frosting ratio [which I'm not sure exists] it looks like you're destroying your piece of cake as opposed to eating it. If the piece is in a wedge and you start at the tip, you'll have a bunch of cake-less frosting on the outer edge. If the piece is on its side, and you eat it layer by layer, you still end up with extra frosting from the top of the cake. The square pieces that can stay upright still squish a bit when you cut bits with your fork, and each bite ends up uneven.

I'm just a little OCD.

But still, someone should make cake easier to eat. And less sugary.